


the light behind your eyes

by xLomion



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, Jonah Magnus/Mordechai Lukas (implied later), Laura Smirke (mentioned), M/M, Maxwell Rayner (mentioned), Mordechai Lukas - Freeform, Pre-Canon, canon character death, graphic violence (epilogue), victorian gays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-02
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:27:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22530085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLomion/pseuds/xLomion
Summary: The relationship between Jonah Magnus and Robert Smirke was maybe more than history and the Eye would show you.But that doesn't mean that it would change anything about the outcome."As he stepped closer Maxwell Rayner noticed him and introduced him to one of London’s rising architects Robert Smirke. They talked quite a while, even after Rayner already left and the room began to get emptier. Smirke introduced Jonah to his ideas on how to revolutionise architecture with classical designs but a new way to beat statics. The young man, who had a special interest in the macabre and supernatural listened intensely and with every minute he talked to the other man he felt like he found someone he didn’t knew he was searching for.  "
Relationships: Jonah Magnus/Robert Smirke
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	1. look at me

**Author's Note:**

> This ff is not beta-ed and English is not my native language.  
> It would be nice to keep spelling and grammar errors to yourself, Thank you ;)
> 
> Title taken from the song by My Chemical Romance
> 
> Updates come weekly (hopefully always on Sundays) until finshed (6 chapters + epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ff is not beta-ed and English is not my native language.  
> It would be nice to keep spelling and grammar errors to yourself, Thank you ;)
> 
> Updates come weekly (hopefully always on Sundays) until finshed (6 chapters + epilogue)
> 
> // Edit: 9.2.2020:  
> I had to make minor changes to the chapter due to my obsession with historical accuracy thank you.

Jonah Magnus was a well-known guest at the various social gatherings of London’s upper class. This was because he knew his way around the people of the city’s high society. It was like he had a sixth sense for what they wanted to hear and which secrets were better kept under the tables.  
One meeting led to another until he was one evening at party of the Architect’s club where his eyes fell on a man around his age, lean figure with soft curly hair in the colour of mahogany, whom he had seen several times around other meetings of the Royal Academy. They hadn’t talked yet but Jonah planned on changing that as he saw the man standing by someone Jonah recognised as Mr. Rayner who he already met and saw his chance to find maybe a capable architect, or at least a new acquaintance.  
As he stepped closer Maxwell Rayner noticed him and introduced him to one of London’s rising architects Robert Smirke. They talked quite a while, even after Rayner already left and the room began to get emptier. Smirke introduced Jonah to his ideas on how to revolutionise architecture with classical designs but a new way to beat statics. The young man, who had a special interest in the macabre and supernatural listened intensely and with every minute he talked to the other man he felt like he found someone he didn’t knew he was searching for. 

_________________________________________________ 

The relationship of the two men grew into a close friendship and soon they met more often than they could exchange letters and if it wasn’t for Smirke’s work outside of London they would spend even more time discussing philosophy and architecture of ancient Greece and Rome and how further society and science would be if the library of Alexandria wouldn’t have been destroyed, a pain they both shared deeply.  
Jonah grew to like the way the architect’s expression changed when they talked about the cryptid and weird happenings that were supposed to happen around the city and country. It was a mixture of curiosity and disbelieve, and Jonah couldn’t help but wanting to push further and learn more about the things that happened inside his friend’s mind. But always when he pushed further, he came to a barrier that was almost shyness from Smirke’s side. Jonah felt a certain attraction to the other man but the architect was engaged, which didn’t mean much in a London where arranged marriages were the most common thing and didn’t have to mean anything. Even though he was impatient he decided to play a little game and take his time with Robert. 

Only a few months later Robert Smirke introduced Jonah to the study of the Entities of Fear in which he had already been involved for a while thanks to his connections to Maxwell Rayner but he wanted to wait to tell Jonah until they worked it out to present it to a selected audience. It was needless to say that Jonah Magnus was intrigued and was soon to contribute his own theories to the circle. Beside Henry Roberts, George Gilbert Scott and Mordechai Lukas joined the group, or in Lukas’ case: rarely came in person but always sent his regards and ideas in letters. 

___________________________________ 

This was the time Jonah started his first approaches to Robert who was most of the time really busy with his growing circle of customers and their new interest in researching on The Entities.  
They sat in one of the studies of the Magnus estate, one that Jonah especially reserved for their research. As the current head of the family he wore his finest three-piece suit, freshly polished shoes and the fine leather gloves he preferred to work with when handling printed and typed pages. This day his black curly hair was tamed into a ponytail that was a neat as you can get it with those raven waves and since they would spend the evening inside the office his usual top hat was not necessary. Jonah smiled when Robert arrived. It was an honest smile but it also had something mischievous about it that the architect didn’t notice though.  
They sat down on the table to continue where they left of the last time they were here when Jonah decided to, for once, get rid of his gloves to flip through a particular statement that was for some reason written to thin papers. But he wouldn’t be Jonah if his eye wouldn’t look for Rober’s attention as he used his teeth to pull the leather from his pale fingers. And as if he had been called Robert looked up and right into the steel blue eyes of his friend across the table. His mouth fell open in a silent sound until the deep red reached his cheeks and his voice came back to him.  
“Jonah.” The name was barely more than a whisper on the architect’s lips before he could continue his line of though. “I-… I’ve never seen you take your gloves of...” Every further thought got lost as when Jonah smiled almost sweetly but without breaking eye-contact. “My dearest friend, some certain types of paper are hard to separate without real human skin touching them.” As if to emphasise his words he touched his thumb with the tip of his tongue to when it and continued with going through the next page of his statement. Only then he broke the connection between their eyes and as if not only the connection but a spell was broken. Robert found himself again and tried his best to find his way back into the scrambled notes in front of him.  
For Jonah it felt like he had seen something that Robert always tried to hide, not only from observers but from Jonah himself. And he wanted more of that. He wanted to discover and pull it out of Robert. Robert’s eyes on him and only him.  
This was maybe the first time Jonah Magnus dipped into the realm of the Eye, the Beholding, the Ceaseless Watcher.


	2. first touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ff is not beta-ed and English is not my native language.  
> It would be nice to keep spelling and grammar errors to yourself, Thank you ;)
> 
> Updates come weekly (hopefully always on Sundays) until finshed (6 chapters + epilogue)
> 
> // Edit: 9.2.2020:  
> I had to make minor changes to the chapter due to my obsession with historical accuracy thank you.

Time passed and the more secret meetings of the circle of people who discussed and researched on the Entities was already slightly thinning out. But the lesser people they became the more fire fueled Jonah Magnus’s motivation. Tirelessly he researched and dove deeper into the material but not without having to pain a price. The more he knew the more he felt a thrall to certain powers but also feared certain ones horribly.  
These “side effects” were something he kept in secret. Even though he wanted to let someone know he was ready to open up like that yet. He didn’t trust them yet; with maybe one exception: Robert Smirke. 

So, Jonah invited Robert to his apartment in one of the finer corners of London but with the best view over the city. Their more private meetings under 4 eyes had been sparse lately thanks to Robert’s work schedule; needless to say, that Jonah was more than a bit annoyed. Maybe he didn’t like to admit it but because for once he took his time to toy with someone, he grew more attached to them as usual. He wanted more than just Robert’s attention, but in more than a physical way, he didn’t care for the architect’s engagement. Robert barely mentioned his family and fiancée so they can’t be that important to him. It was driving Jonah mad which he usually compensated with work, work and more work. The research and administration won’t do themselves. 

It took Jonah longer than usual to get ready; thanks to his sleep deprivation his mind wandered off more often. Nonetheless he dressed in his sharpest black frock paired with a crisp white band collar shirt and a deep sapphire vest. But to finish off his planned attire he was searching through his wardrobe for the fine black tie and only found it a moment before the doorbell rang, announcing his invited guest. He rushed to the door still tying the black fabric around his neck and adding a less than perfect ribbon to tame his raven curls into a ponytail.  
A bit out of breath and with a higher pulse than he’d liked it Jonah opened the door to welcome his friend for the first time into his sacred own home. Robert looked nice and flawless as always but seemed a bit reserved, almost nervous, to enter his friend’s home. Jonah tried his best to calm down as fast as possible and occupied himself with offering Robert a seat in the Salon and getting something to drink. Jonah didn’t like to have servants; he didn’t trust them. When he finally sat down across from Robert with his own drink his heartbeat didn’t really slowed down but he felt calmer. 

As usual it was Jonah who initiated the conversation. “It pains me that we couldn’t enjoy each other’s company for such a long time, Robert. I hope you had success in your work in the meantime.” Robert looked up from his glass of wine with a shy smile that almost made some red rise on Jonah’s cheeks. “My dear Jonah, thank you for asking. Work is indeed going well but I don’t believe that you invited me over to your apartment to talk about our daily work. But I also have some news on the research you asked me to work on and I hope that the results are to your favour.” Jonah couldn’t help but smirk at that answer. The architect knew him better than he wanted to admit but he liked that feeling. “You read me like an open book my friend. Yes, this meeting is neither for a casual small talk nor for real business talk but for our shared passion.” Jonah’s eyes met the forest green ones of Robert not entirely without a spark. Much to Jonah’s amusement the spark didn’t miss his mark and that familiar shade of red was now on the architect’s face. It was hard for Jonah to suppress a chuckle but instead he smiled softly before continuing the conversation. “Is the salon to your satisfaction or should we move to my study?” 

When Robert found his composure again, he just nodded after emptying his glass and stood up. Jonah led him to his study. The walls of the room were filled with shelves full of books and manuscripts up to ceiling and in the middle stood a huge desk made out of dark wood which almost seemed black in the right light. Robert didn’t know where to look first but even though this room held so many mysteries his eyes always came back to the biggest mystery in his life: Jonah Magnus.  
“I think my desk should be big enough for us two to work on it but if you need a separate one, I can see if I can arrange another one moved in here-” This was the first time Robert interrupted Jonah: “No need for that, my friend I don’t mind sharing a desk with you.” The words came out a bit faster than he intended but nonetheless made the man in front of him smile again. 

Jonah arranged the chairs so they sat across from each other and spread out a few documents on the desk between them before sitting down and setting up ink and quills for both of them. As Robert also sat down Jonah began to explain his new research results on the entities. “Robert, I found sources which report of certain rituals, performed in worship of the Entities. I haven’t found all of them yet but for most fears it’s a repeating one. Although my theory is that none of them was successful yet and that’s why they were repeated through history. Because from what I could decipher after the rituals the world would change in its whole.” Jonah paused, waiting for his friend to process the information and contribute his own ideas. While waiting his eyes wandered over the slim hand of the architect up his arms, over his chest, up his neck and inevitably stopped at those eyes of which he couldn’t get enough of. Robert was first really interested in the rituals but raised concerns over their general purpose and that it was maybe that best that none of them happened yet and that they should first research further on the consequences if one of them succeed. It was not entirely the answer Jonah had hoped for so he changed the topic to his other reason why he wanted to see Robert. 

With a sigh Jonah ran his hand through his hair which, unintentionally but not inconveniently, caused the ribbon on his ponytail to slip and let go of his black curls without him really noticing. He only realized it because another not so faint blush crept on the architect’s face and a hand reached out, not really hesitantly but still carefully to put a black strand of hair behind Jonah’s ear. But as if he had just realized what he had done, Robert retrieved his hand immediately. But Jonah was fast and griped the hand fast but softly as if not to scare the other away. “Thank you, my dear.” He almost whispered softly and with a smile that was almost warm. Robert tried to stammer an answer but gave up and instead, resting his eyes on the hands holding each other on top of the documents. 

Jonah didn’t let go of Robert’s hand but didn’t hold it to tight so the architect would have felt pressured. If there was a moment to talk about what really kept him awake at night it was now. “Robert, I have to tell you something. And I ask you to not tell it anyone please. But during my research I found secrets that weren’t meant to be known. I fear I am feeding one of the Entities more than others and the more I know about it, the worse it gets.” This time it was Jonah who didn’t look up but felt Robert’s glance on him but he continued. “Of all the horrible, weird and morbid things that I got to know there is nothing that scared me more is The End. Death. The last and greatest terror.” He stopped at that point, feeling like he had already spilled enough of himself over his desk.  
Before one of them spoke again Jonah felt a slight pressure on his hand as Robert gave it a light squeeze. “Jonah, if one thinks about it. It is not strange that especially you are most afraid of things to end. Don’t feel ashamed of this oldest and deepest of fears. You are only human.” 

“That’s it!” Jonah exclaimed and jumped out of his chair. “Robert, that’s the solution!” All fears and doubt were gone from his face as he squeezed Roberts hand tightly in his excitement. “If we can find out how to disturb the rituals of the entities, there also must be a way to prevent The End’s ritual or become an associate of another entity that grants immortality.” The smile on the architect’s face couldn’t hide his concerns. “But please think through this again and look for hidden traps that the entities might have for their associates before you jump head on into this out of fear.” 

Jonah was slightly bummed by Robert’s comment but considered it nonetheless. He even apologised for his sudden outburst and let go of the other’s hand that he had still been holding.  
But at least he now knew that he could go further with his “courting” for Robert which was all that could make it better now. To forget the unenthusiastic response, he needed to play his game now or this day was a failure.  
So he collected himself again with that smile that seemed soft but had a certain edge to it before he walked around the desk only to lean at its edge as close to Robert’s chair as possible and let two fingers run over the precisely trimmed waves of mahogany on the architects head. “It is only fair that I touch your hair too, after you surprised me before.” Robert didn’t flinch way but also didn’t lean in but let Jonah have his moment but not without the shade of red on his cheeks that Jonah adored so much, instead the architect watched him. Watched his every move and that’s exactly what made Jonah go one step further and let his whole hand run through Robert’s hair. “It is really soft and such a pretty colour. You are blessed with some nice genes.” Something moved in Robert but he could still supress it which motivated Jonah even more. So, he let his hand wander from brown locks to the other’s neck, along the collar of his shirt, and rested on the cravat on Robert’s chest. “Business seems going well for you. The Quality of your fabrics is exquisite.” The architect sighed and let his eyes fall again, which wasn’t what Jonah wanted at all. “Jonah, are you sure about this? I don’t want to lose our dear friendship because of … pleasure. Nothing means more to me.” 

Jonah put his fingers under Robert’s chin tilting his head up again so his green eyes were locked in steel blue before he spoke. “Nothing in this world or out of it will ever break the bond we have, as long as you look at me.” In the end he leaned down and closed the last distance between them and met Robert’s lips with a kiss that was barely there just a ghost of a touch. It was almost adorable how the architect’s breath skipped for a moment before he leaned in to close the distance between them again this time longer and more than just a breath.


	3. churches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ff is not beta-ed and English is not my native language.  
> It would be nice to keep spelling and grammar errors to yourself, Thank you ;)
> 
> Updates come weekly (hopefully always on Sundays) until finshed (6 chapters + epilogue)

Their friendship was humoured about before by their fellow members of their discussion groups but after that evening of honesty Jonah and Robert seemed inseparable. Any social event one was invited to, he would take the other with him, no matter if one of them or both had been called for. They of course discussed that evening the nature of their new relationship and Jonah promised, or better had to promise, that no one would see the real nature of their closeness and that he holds back in circles of society. Jonah agreed, even though he didn’t tell the architect that what got him to his place in the “circles of society” was exactly what he would have with Robert now, he even agreed to Robert’s request to give him time since this was still new to him. In this case Jonah smiled softly because he thought that it was just too adorable to say no to. 

Someday Jonah arranged a rendezvous for the two of them, he didn’t tell Robert his plans only where they would meet in Camden from which Jonah would “lead the way” to his surprise. Robert came only slightly late and Jonah was already waiting for him, somehow the other man was always there before him, but never mad in anyway but awaiting him with that specific smile on his lips.   
Jonah would have loved to just take his new lover’s hand, kiss him until neither of them could breath, and then continue but he promised Robert that he would behave in front of the crowd of strangers, even though the thought of those people, watching and staring at them excited Jonah somehow. Instead of all those things he greeted his friend how every other man would do and offered to lead the way. “You know, I thought after all the talking and theorising inside in salons, studies and libraries we could go outside for once and maybe have a look at something hopefully inspiring for you. We’ll have a little walk around some churches, which I picked for you.” The surprise and joy on the architect’s face was more than worth the ”time of behaving” had to endure before he could have his way. 

Their first stop was St John-at-Hampstead. Of course, Jonah knew a few architectural facts about the building and its history but he just listened as Robert started to talk about all the different things that he thought were important or even not so important to know about a medieval church of that time. The only thing that could stop his flow of words were the occasional touches of a leather glove on his hand or arm just as much as a slight touch of their shoulders when Jonah walked closer than necessary beside him. The first times Robert almost glared at Jonah but soon understood the game his new found lover played. The black-haired man behaved on the first church they visited the best his mischievous mind let him. 

The second stop was closer to the city centre: St George’s in Bloomsbury. They took the coach from Camden and Jonah couldn’t help but at least hold Robert’s hand hidden between the both of them, which caused the architect to tighten up slightly before Jonah could convince him with a whisper that he made sure nobody would see it. Unwillingly Jonah let go of his lover’s hand when their coach stopped and they walked into the religious building of the 18th century. This church was very different from the first but nonetheless beautiful to watch. Robert started again with his lecture but Jonah still thought of it as adorable and, at some point, didn’t even really listen anymore but began to observe every little thing about Robert: the way his eyes light up in passion, that small little wrinkles around his eyes and mouth when he smiles, his gestures when he explains anything he’s proficient in, the way he carefully walks to not step on stones with epigraphy writings on them. In a darker corner of the building Jonah leaned in close to Robert’s ear and whispered: “How religious are you? And would you be offended if I asked you to make out with me in a church?” Robert had to put his own hand in front of his mouth to avoid a curse but the eyes with which he looked at Jonah showed that he couldn’t be that offended. So, Jonah smiled almost innocently. “Let’s see how lucky we could be in the last church of the day.” He said, before slowly walking towards the great wooden doors to leave for their next destination. 

Their last stop was nearby and just around a corner. St Giles in the Fields was a beautiful church and Jonah expected Robert who followed him inside and waited, but for some reason the architect just stood there and Jonah was really clueless what it could be. “St-stay like this for a moment please.” Was all Robert could stutter and still a bit clueless Jonah did as he was asked for. Moments later he couldn’t help but smile as his lover pulled out a small sketch book and a pencil and began to sketch. In those few minutes standing Jonah realized he stood right in a cone of light that the afternoon sun cast through one of the stained-glass windows. He supressed a laugh that wouldn’t have been of malice but of adoration, but he didn’t want to disturb the fragile creative state the other was caught in. 

The moment felt like an eternity but after only a few minutes Robert caught up to his muse of the moment with a faint blush around his nose. “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t get the moment get away-” Before he could finish his sentence Jonah pulled him behind one of the pillars into the shadow and pressed his lips eagerly against Robert’s for only a moment. Prior to the architect’s complains a gloved hand was put in the place where seconds before their lips had met. “I’m sorry, my dear,” Jonah whispered. “I really couldn’t hold back. I know I promised, but what you just did was so charming that I couldn’t help myself.” He removed the hand from the other’s mouth slowly prepared to be scolded but instead silence was all that came before Robert looked around tensely, making sure nobody saw them, but the church was empty and so he pulled the other man into another deep kiss. Two pairs of hands travelled over and under fine fabrics, exploring each other's forms in an extasy of feelings. Lips only parted when it was beyond necessary to breath for them. Both of them kept their eyes open to look out for possible visitors of the church but also to meet each other’s glances in between. 

Just as Jonah was about to undress those slender legs of his lover, they heard the heavy wooden door opened with a traitorous creak and they forced themselves to part and do their best to not look like they were just about to sin at a church. “We should go to my place,” Jonah suggested with a still breathy voice. “There we can continue our ‘discussion’.” With a short glance at the new visitors of the church Jonah dared to run his fingers through Robert’s hair to straighten them again before he let his hand fall slowly over his lover’s shoulder and arm and rested loosely on the other man’s hand and lead them out of the church. They took the next best coach to the Jonah’s apartment where, as soon as the door closed behind them, they couldn’t keep and didn’t want to keep their hands from each other. But something was missing for the black-haired man. He loved their making out but the thought of someone, and let it be a higher being, watching them just gave him that little something extra of a thrill to him. But he decided to leave this train of thoughts for another day, now he wanted to enjoy his little surprise. He can’t wait to feel those fine hands, that had not even an hour ago drew his form in the church, but now on his skin without those layers of fabric between.


	4. hunting trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ff is not beta-ed and English is not my native language.  
> It would be nice to keep spelling and grammar errors to yourself, Thank you ;)
> 
> Updates come weekly (hopefully always on Sundays) until finshed (6 chapters + epilogue)
> 
> I post this chapter a day earlier because I will be out of town for the weekend.

Later that year when the days got shorter but the sun, if it came around, still shone warmly. Robert was invited for a hunt to an estate with large forest grounds, a bit outside of London. He didn’t really think of asking Laura, his fiancée to accompany him; she never liked such  kind of sports anyway. Instead he almost insisted that Jonah would join him. 

“The estate is beautiful built and the land around the estate is marvellous. And if that’s not enough to convince you: they have a unique library with custom bound editions of manuscripts.” Robert was really eager to talk Jonah into joining him, which had been more than unnecessary. Jonah would have said yes right after the first time the other had asked but Robert barely paused to breathe in his excitement, so he just smiled and waited, enjoying this little rush of passion. He enjoyed it because there was something in Robert’s eyes and the way he looked at him that made him feel something. Being apricated, being _wanted_. In the end, after the architect finished his little lecture, Jonah answered with a simple “Yes.” He would go on any trip with the other, especially since Robert always had to leave to stay home at night, or else it would be too suspicious and people might start to talk. This little weekend trip could finally mean they spend more time together than the usual few hours that were always too few for Jonah’s taste.    
It was needless to say that Robert was delighted that he had his companion for the trip and was so overrun by his joy that he didn’t even look around before his placed a small, still a bit shy, kiss on Jonah’s lips. It was somehow a thing he was able to shake off even when they only were in Jonah’s flat, where nobody but the two of them were. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The weekend of the trip came around and a coach came early to pick up Jonah from his flat. After the suitcase was stored the black-haired man sat down beside his friend who’s already waiting.    
“Thank you again, Jonah, for joining me. It will be great opportunity to get out of the city for once and maybe even meet new people who may join us on our researches.” Jonah just looked at him with a soft reassuring smile before responding. “You could have invited me to a random village holiday and I would have joined you, my dear Robert. You know that I love spending time with you.” While talking he took off his top hat, scarf, and gloves before reaching to also remove the leather from his lover’s hands so he could feel the other’s skin on his. The best part of the whole thing was Robert’s gaze, watching every single move intensely which made the hair on Jonah’s neck stand up slightly.    
The trip was spent with the usual exchange of new research results and a small introduction from Robert on the people who’d be at the hunt. For Jonah the trip was not exactly boring but something was missing when Robert wasn’t looking at him but he didn’t want to demand it the whole time. Sometimes he did which always made the architect blush a bit but Jonah found it endearing and satisfying at the same time. A win-win situation. 

When they arrived around  noon , Jonah Magnus had to admit that Robert didn’t exaggerate when he described the estate and its surroundings. It was like a they stepped out into a scenery painting.  Again with gloves, hat and scarf Jonah followed his lover up the stairs of the main building which was a bit older and not recently build. Somewhere around the 1750s Robert had mentioned. Host and hostess were from such families that got their wealth from investing in factory business, from which they could afford such a manor. They didn’t radiate the aura of pride a family who had passed the estate down for centuries. Jonah knew that he didn’t want to take them into account as sponsors for his institute but that wasn’t the reason why he was here anyway. 

They were shown their rooms and first they were at different ends of the hallway until Jonah bribed one of the servants into giving him the room right next to Robert’s, in case of “nightly flashes of inspiration” and so he won’t have to walk down the entire hallway to meet his friend. No questions were worth the bills that put into the servant’s front pocket that moment. 

After a quite delicious lunch during which Robert introduced Jonah to the rest of the hunting party. Most of them seemed like the usual uptight businessmen they had in London tons of but a few were open to philosophical discussions and were acceptable in Jonah’s eyes. Preparations for the hunt were made next which meant the members of the party would get into their hunting gear which in Jonah’s case meant: maybe a bit too tight, white riding pants, one of his usual crisp white shirts, topped by frock in a dark shade of Prussian blue.  He tied his black cravat in a fancy knot, tied his raven curls into a tidy ponytail, before getting into his just as black riding boots before putting on his top hat and signature leather gloves. Arranging every piece of clothing to perfection before going over to the door of Robert’s room and knocking lightly. “Robert, it’s me. Can I come in?” 

The door opened with an almost completely dressed architect welcoming Jonah inside. “I’m almost done. Just a moment please.” The  ravenet was happy they both decided to pass on the servants that were offered to assist them so they didn’t have to worry. He closed the door right behind him, locking it just in case and walked over to Robert. “Don’t worry we still have time. Should I help you?” Jonah didn’t even wait for an answer but instead reached for his lover’s frock collar arranging it properly. He felt Robert’s eyes on him as he realised what was actually happening and almost feel the heat rising on the architect’s cheeks. “See, you’re as good as finished, my dear. And I have a little something to make it perfect.” He pulled out a small velvet bag out of the inside pocket of his frock to withdraw a fine silver brooch with a single steel blue gem embedded in it. Jonah put it on his lover’s frock collar before looking up into those green eyes he couldn’t get enough of. “How do you like it?”

Robert was at a loss of words but his eyes told Jonah everything he needed to know. “Fantastic.” Was all the black-haired man whispered before pulling the architect into a deep kiss, that was immediately returned and arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace. “How do I deserve this, my dear Jonah?” - “You’re my architect and lover. Isn’t that reason enough.” They both smiled and Jonah licked his lips. “We should go or I can’t hold back. The hunting attire suits you really well.” As he pulled back Robert blushed slightly but then deeper as he finally took in the other’s complete appearance fully. “I-… I can only return the complement.” Even though Jonah had his back turned to Robert, he knew exactly where the architect’s eyes were on him.

They made it down to the stables and weren’t even the last ones to arrive but while waiting they were introduced to their horses. Robert got a rust coloured and well-behaved stallion; very fitting in Jonah’s eyes while he mounted his black mare who was a but sultry but Jonah could deal with it. He kept his horse close to Robert’s to be close enough to feel the other’s gaze on him from time to time. But it seemed like the architect wasn’t the only one of the party eyeing Jonah with that specific gleam in their eyes. Jonah didn’t mind as long as he had especially Robert’s attention. 

The horns were blown and started the hunt, hounds running in front of the horses who ran as they were told by their riders. Jonah liked the hunt but one or the other party member was almost obsessed it seemed, so he observed as they almost fought against each other on their horses for the lead of the chase. The ravenet decided to let himself fall back a bit to be on the same level as his companion gesturing to take maybe a slightly different route through the trees as a little race rather than continue chasing the ones who fought for the lead. Robert considered for a moment before nodding and taking a turn to the right at the next given chance. 

It wasn’t much more than a slightly bigger dirt track that they were following but it was already much nicer than following the given road through the forest which the others rode. At a quite short part of the track that was a bit wider than before Jonah even passed by Robert in a flash of back accompanied by a light laugh. The architect couldn’t help but smile widely as he followed his companion further down the path, over a small stream, along a bright clearing, until they arrived in more sparse part of the forest, which didn’t make it less beautiful because the trees had white barks, long branches and small leaves that slowly turned yellow in the autumn sun. Jonah slowed down his mare, taking in the atmosphere for their surroundings and catching his breath after that long sprint. Robert rode beside him, just as much catching his breath. “Should we take a small break here? This part of the forest is fascinating.” Jonah agreed and got off his horse and tied the reins around a sturdy looking branch before walking further into the forest away from the track. Robert followed suit and looked around. “The trees appear like they’d been watching.” he said casually but stroke a nerve in Jonah who now knew why this place had called to him. “Would be a nice place for a ritual of the Beholding, wouldn’t you say?” he joked but put a spark in his steel blue eyes. Robert laughed with him, taking Jonah’s gloved hand in his as they continued to explore the forest. 

The feeling of being watched grew stronger the longer they stayed in this part of the woods. Robert seemed a bit uneasy with it though, Jonah noticed but he wanted to dive deeper into this feeling. He bit his lip slightly and walked closer to his love, shoulders touching and almost clinging to Robert’s hand. “My dear, can you please look at me, please.” He whispered with something heavy hanging in his voice. The brunet stopped and turned to man holding his hand. “You know I always well when you ask me.” As soon as their eyes met, the Jonah let go of the other’s hand only to wrap his arms around Robert’s shoulder and pull him into a kiss. 

The kiss was needy and almost desperate but Robert just pulled his lover closer giving him the body contact the other seemed to crave so much at the moment. Jonah wanted more than just a kiss everything seemed so perfect for him in this moment that he couldn’t let it pass. He pushed off Robert’s hat and unbuttoned his frock with skilled fingers before its wearer could even comprehend fully what’s happening. It took Jonah’s full willpower to pull away from the other’s lips but he promised he would consider Roberts consent always and he didn’t want to ruin what they had built up until now. “Please take me. Here. Not with hands or lips but fully.” He could feel a slight warmth over his cheeks as he waited for Robert’s reply. The architect was a bit surprised but couldn’t deny his longing. He trusted Jonah and how could he say no with the heat that gathered between his legs and the other man looking at him with these steel blue eyes. “Yes, I will, my dear.” This was everything he could say before his lips were occupied by Jonah’s again. Was one able to taste gratitude?

With another fast movement Robert’s frock was on the leaf-covered ground and Johan followed straight pulling the frock’s owner right with him. “Please never stop looking at me.” A whisper against the architect’s lips made him smile softly. “How should I be able to keep my eyes of you.” By now he knew that Jonah liked being watched, especially during their intimacies. Who was he to take this away from him now? Robert’s gloved fingers had problems with the buttons on the blue frock. Jonah couldn’t help but chuckle but he took Robert’s hand and used his teeth to pull off the leather of the architect’s fingers. Watching every move, Robert felt his pants tighten. The procedure was repeated with the other gloved hand and Jonah decided he liked taking his time. Jonah wasn’t usually the type for the long round but this was something different. While his lover worked on the too many buttons of the blue frock the  ravent already opened the white shirt that was keeping him from more skin contact. Robert had been doing well with getting comfortable with the intimacy between two men and was thankful for Jonah’s patience with him but he was confident in this. This was special, for the both of them. Between undressing and kissing Jonah rose one leg to press it between Robert’s feeling the need building up. 

When Robert finally managed to get rid of all of the fabrics between him and Jonah, he had to break the kiss and take a look at his lover, lying there beneath him. The black curls lay sprawled over the yellow halo of fallen leaves, contrasting the marble skin that seemed to never have seen sunlight. A trail of black hair underneath the navel leading the way to the erection, he had freed from those damn tight white pants. Jonah Magnus looked like a statue of the ancient Greeks to him. The architect was only ripped out of his thought by Jonah giggling slightly, his eyes meeting the green he adored so much. “Keep watching closely, next time I wish for you to do it.” Not breaking eye contact, Jonah took two of his fingers between his lips, licking and sucking, coating them in as much fluid as he could before he spread his legs for Robert to see. He placed the digits at his entrance pressing in one at first, slowly moving and loosening up the muscles before adding the second finger causing the  ravent to moan. It didn’t take him long to get ready, even though he had been faster when he had more practice but this was totally worth the wait. The fingers were withdrawn and another moan left Jonah’s lips as he looked up to his lover with a smirk on his lips. “Now it’s your turn, darling.” Robert used his salvia to slicken up his own erection before leaning down and kiss his lover before pressing in. Jonah moaned loudly as he felt the other man enter him. 

They moved slow at first but both of them adjusted quickly to each other and found a rhythm that made Jonah almost loose his mind. Stars appeared from time to time on the edges of his vision while Robert felt so good, changing and finding the right angles to make the other almost scream. But not all the best angles in the world could make Jonah forget all those black eyes of white bark, each and every one of them watching this moment between him and his lover. That feeling was out of this world. Robert did his part so well that Jonah was already close to his climax without even having to touch himself, what he liked better so he could keep his hands in those soft mahogany locks of Robert’s hair.    
Robert himself didn’t take his eyes of Jonah, just as he wished for and found what he saw, the expressions of pleasure and passion on the other’s face, so captivating that he couldn’t have looked away even if he had wanted to. When Jonah finally came between them the pulsing contractions did their best to let Robert follow suit only a few thrusts later.

When they slowly came down from their high, Jonah pulled his lover into another kiss, not a needy forceful one, but a sweet and soft one that made them both melt against each other. When they had to part for air Robert pulled himself out of Jonah who barely let out a small whimper. Robert was the one who cleaned them both up with a tissue he had with him before they got slowly dressed again. The brunet was helping Jonah with everything he could handing Jonah his cloths and picking the last small, yellow leaves out of his raven-black hair. The other enjoyed the attention to his fullest and placed whenever he could a kiss on the lips of his lover. “This was more than amazing, my dear. I can’t wait for the next time even though I’m worried for the way back to the estate on a horse back.” Robert needed a moment to realise and already attempted an apology when Jonah placed a gloved finger on his lips. “I will survive it, and every painful ride back is worth to have you.” He smiled and slowly walked back into the direction of the horses, trying his best to walk normally. He knew he mastered this art of pretending. 

When they were readying the horses again, Jonah felt a glance on him that wasn’t Robert’s. It was something stronger, deeper and as he turned around, he could see a humanoid shadow lurking between the trees but when his eyes adjusted it was gone again but the feeling of being watched so intensely was still there. Robert helped him on his mare, smiling sympathetically before he himself got on his horse and they made their way back to the road and back to the estate. The rest of the party was still not back but they were led to their rooms to get changed after they explained that one of the horses broke out and they got separated from the rest and rather returned to the estate than trying to find them. Later the two of them met in the library where they looked through some of the rare manuscripts before joining the rest of the hunting party who had returned just in time for dinner. 

The evening was rather uneventful and they hoped that no one would question their absence during the hunt. During the social events that night they preferred to stay together but not that much that it would be suspicious and after being sated from before, Jonah’s behaviour was his best. They soon apologized themselves to their rooms after other guests left for theirs. When the hallway was empty Jonah stole himself to Robert’s room. The architect was less surprised than he thought to see Jonah in a nightgown with a robe over his shoulders. His love had always complained that they could never spend the night together because of Robert’s family. He liked Laura personally but he wanted the architect more to him. But now he would take his chance to finally fall asleep in someone’s arms. 

Putting the book down that he had been reading, Robert flipped over one corner of the duvets inviting the other man to him. “Could you please lock the door before you come over, my dear Jonah?” - “Already done.” Jonah said before finally coming over to join his architect under the covers and quilts. Robert put his arm around the other man who already rested his head against the brunet’s chest. This let the architect play with Jonah’s hair, a thing that he really grew to like a lot since they got to know each other closer. “I don’t want this to end,” the  ravent whispered. “We can do this again. Going off for a weekend, if I’m not drowning in work.” They both had to laugh at this comment and blew out the candles before slowly drifting off into the realm of sleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_He was running, running through a forest of trees with white bark but none of them had a single eye of black wood on them. Something was Jonah but he couldn’t see it. But he felt that deep, piercing feeling again that he felt in the wood this afternoon when they readied the horses. The shadowy figures were back. Never really seen but always there. Never moving but always watching._   
_Jonah kept on running, his lungs burning, his heart aching for something that he didn’t know what it was but something was missing. Was he fleeing or was he searching?_   
_He didn’t know when the forest ended and the field began. He had seen strange things passing by. Something that looked like an oversized wasp nest, a warship without an ocean, a hole that didn’t seem to have a bottom, a pond with a surface that didn’t move even though a storm was raging above it but time had stopped because a flash covered half of the sky without fading, a door with nothing behind it, a burning figure but no flames surrounded it, a faceless doll, a hole into nothing ness with black smoke coming from inside and spider webs without a single spider in them. More than once he had stumbled over a book; all of them had different sizes and colours._

_ When Jonah finally stopped the field was covered in fog and it filled his lungs as he tried to catch his breath. He felt heavy as if all energy of his body had left and nothing mattered. But some things still mattered: something was still missing and something was after him. He continued walking but stumbled again. This time he couldn’t get up more than on his knees and what he saw were gravestones. All around him. All of them blank except for two of them: one had his own name on it, and a grave in front of it was open. He began to shake from fear. The dread taking over his body. But when he turned from his own name written in stone, he saw what was written on the other one with a name. “Robert  _ _ Smirke _ _ ” And that’s when he couldn’t hold back the tears and wept; scared and alone. As he finally dared to peak over the edge of his grave all he saw was a mirror that showed his own face drowned in tears and the sky. The sky was white with parts of blue. No. The sky was covered in eyes. All focused on him, each and every one of them only watching him and his misery. This time the piercing feeling so strong that he thought he was stabbed in the back, in the chest, the sides, just everywhere the eyes’ gaze touched him. He screamed. _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jonah woke up hot tears still streaming down his face, eyes trying to focus, trying to  _ see _ where he was.

“Jonah, can you see me?” 

A voice that pulled him back to reality. Robert’s voice. Robert was alive and with him. Holding him in his arms. Wiping away his tears. Steel blue met green in the pale moon light that crept through the curtains of the room Robert was given in the estate they went to for a hunt. Slowly the reavent’s breathing calmed down and he finally realized that he was save.    
The first thing he willingly did after that was clinging to the fabric of Robert’s nightgown for dear life and pressing against the warmth of his body. Suddenly Jonah felt so cold despite the duvets and blankets. 

It took him longer than he wanted to finally speak. “I lost you. You were gone. And they looked at me all of them, the whole sky.” He was already close to tears again but his lover was understanding and kissed the new tears from Jonah’s even paler skin. Whispering the sweetest promises and reassuring his love that they were now save. Robert was worried but kept his question for the morning when Jonah would hopefully be in a more stable condition. Until then he would hold him in his arms to protect him from those ghosts that cased him. “You’re save, my dear. I won’t let go of you. I promise.” Then Robert started to hum a soft song and whispered parts of the lyrics into Jonah’s ear. 

_“Never let them take the light behind your eyes_   
_One day I'll lose this fight_   
_As we fade in the dark_   
_Just remember you will always burn as bright”_


	5. losing or finding focus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ff is not beta-ed and English is not my native language.  
> It would be nice to keep spelling and grammar errors to yourself, Thank you ;)
> 
> Updates come weekly (hopefully always on Sundays) until finshed (6 chapters + epilogue)

Time passed but against the saying it doesn’t heal every would but can carve it deeper with every hour passing; it doesn’t matter if slow and steadily or furiously like a raging river. Jonah Magnus had to learn it the hard way. The nightmares came more often, in different shapes but with reoccurring themes. He keeps it secret most of the times. It’s nobody’s business what he was afraid of anyway. The only one he couldn’t lie to was Robert Smirk. The architect had seen what fear could do to the man first hand and learnt when he did have another particular bad day thanks to a particular bad night; and it pained him to see his love like this. He would visit Jonah more frequently when the bags under the steel blue eyes became so dark that he was seriously worried. 

When Robert would stay over, they still did their research but he pushed Jonah into taking breaks more often because he knew as soon as they would sit down on a sofa, Jonah would mostly sooner than later fall asleep on his lover’s shoulder or lap. Because the architect couldn’t stay overnight more often than before he tried to get Jonah at least some hours of sleep in which he could feel save. And if the nightmare would still come, he would be there fighting against those ghosts of fear still lingering on the shivering form in his arms. 

Nonetheless, their research was fruitful and the meetings with the other ones of their circle were productive and it was more than crystal clear now who was most interest in specific entities. This helped to share the workload to some degree.   
Jonah would have bet most of his fortune that Mordechai Lukas would go for the Forsaken, the Lonely, how he preferred to call it. Ever since the two of them had known each other, Jonah had the feeling that Mordechai had no connection at all to any other human being. That feeling never changed. George Gilbert Scott was for a reason that is not obvious somehow drown to the claustrophobic powers of the Burried.    
But those are probably some of lesser interest to Jonah who would still burry himself in books and records about any historical, social or philosophical clue that he would find, forgetting everyone around him, if there even was someone. 

Robert would listen to all of them, being interested every piece of knowledge he could get on the fears, no matter which ones, and took every theory into account. His main focus was on the interdependency between the forces.  _ Balance  _ became one of the words that increased in use for him. He also collected the facts that he could gather on what they then called  _ rituals  _ and summarize them almost writing an instruction on what would be needed. Jonah thought of it as interesting but dangerous, not trusting anyone but Robert, always keeping an eye of the other’s reactions when the architect would present another one of his ideas. 

When Robert and Jonah were alone, they would go deeper into their theories on the Dread Powers and Jonah would not always voice all of his thoughts to the architect. It was a seldom thing to do for him because he trusted the other man deeply but there was something nagging on him in the back of his mind. Robert usually didn’t notice in his new found obsession with the idea of Balance between the fears and that there had to be a way to translate it into our world to channel them and their powers. Jonah kept his doubts on this secret. He didn’t want to put a strain on their relationship, which he held on so dearly still. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The research went on and on, Robert was now completely indulged in his plan to keep the Dreads in balance and even if Jonah had wanted to, he wouldn’t have been able to argue him out of this obsessive idea. At this point Jonah decided to take on his own project that he hadn’t told anyone of yet. He had tried once to drop some hints when he was alone with Robert in his study but the architect was too deep into his new obsession that he didn’t notice the specific interest of Jonah in the powers of the Beholding.    
He had always liked to have eyes and attention on him, to be seen and to feel it; and nobody, the least himself, could deny that he wanted to know everything; and with everything he meant everything. Knowing everything would mean that he could know how to escape death, live forever, become immortal. Jonah would do _anything_ to achieve that.

Fortune wasn’t with them as Robert had to interrupt his studies more often for work and family than he liked to be, which had the consequence that he wouldn’t see Jonah for a while.    
Two things happened in that time: First, Robert realised that his obsession took the better of him and he tried his best to become the person he was before, which would never work because any even remotely distant touch of the Fears was irreversible. But Robert felt more like his old self even though his idea was always present. The gears of his mind were turning at any time he could allow it and sometimes when he didn’t.    
Secondly, Jonah focused his research heavily the Entity of Knowledge. The Eye was the one who promised him the most. Serving one fear to fight another. Being alone made a desire of not being alone, being seen, being know, grow in Jonah. Usually Robert would sooner or later come to satisfy those desires but things didn’t go that way in that period of time.

It took quite a while until the two of them saw each other again. It was a rainy day, as so often, but the sound of the water on the streets made the world slow down and without the sun it was like time stood still.    
Robert had written a letter to Jonah that he would come over for a visit now that bigger projects were done and as he didn’t receive an answer, he became worried and took the chance to see the other as soon as possible to make sure nothing horrible had happened. He was let in before he could even press the doorbell. The concerns rose in his chest and he hurried inside, not bothering putting the wet umbrella in its stand. 

“Jonah! Is everything alright? I’m sorry that I couldn’t visit you sooner but please tell me where you are.” Slowly and unimpressed Jonah came out of the doorway to his study, his eyes were unnaturally. “I was quite busy myself, my dear. So please don’t apologize. I’m more than fine” His words were soft but had something in them that felt like a cut with an icicle. And the bags under his eyes were traitors to his words.” Jonah continued: “I’m the one who should apologize for not answering your last letter. Let me help you out of your coat first and then we can sit down and have talk.” The  ravent came closer taking the coat from Robert’s shoulders and puts it aside. Somehow the architect was surprised how warm Jonah’s hands were in contrast to that undertone of his voice; but he tried to relax for now. The other was fine and they could finally see each other again. Jonah took the brunet’s hand and lead him to the Salon onto the sofa, pulling him down beside him to lean into the velvet cushions. 

“I missed you.” A whisper left the ravent’s lips as he leaned against his love’s shoulder. He finally had this attention, those green eyes on him again; a feeling that felt like home after the overwhelming new experiences he had the last weeks. Robert put his arm around Jonah and pulled him close. “I’m still sorry. Not only for not being able to see you for so long but also for the time before when I saw you but not really _saw_ you, you know. I was with you but my mind was obsessed with our research. I know, I-” He was interrupted by a pale finger on his lips asking him to stop softly. Jonah leaned upwards. “Don’t say how sorry you are. Show me.” And the finger was eagerly replaced by another pair of lips on Robert’s.    
They put everything unsaid, every missed touch, and every longing thought into that kiss so words were unnecessary in that moment. After the kiss was broken Jonah’s smile was warm again, it was that smile that only Robert would get to see and the architects worries eased immediately. “I have to tell you, my dear, you may dress as fancy as ever but you look horrible. When was the last time you slept?” Instead of answering the other man just shook his head and let himself slide down so his head would be in Robert’s lap. “You know that I don’t sleep well, so why should I sleep at all?” Before Robert could think about the words that left his mouth, they were already said. “I could stay one night, if you want to... But only if you take a nap first. It’s only noon so it will help you get through the rest of our day better.” The smile on the other’s lips grew wide in joy before he closed his eyes and settled himself against his lover comfortably. “A nap for a whole night. I can’t complain at all.” 

Sleep came fast and deep over Jonah Magnus as he lay in his love’s lap for once not bothered by horrible dreams of empty graves and the end of the world. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he woke up after a dreamless sleep, he felt some light but nice tension on his hair and when he blinked and looked  u,p he just saw Robert smiling at him, having his hand occupied with the black waves of Jonah’s hair. The  ravent was puzzled at first but then understood what was happening. “Are you  braid ing my hair? I didn’t even know you knew how to do that.” - “Well, I have some skills that you haven’t discovered yet, my love.” - “Can I get a mirror so I can admire your work?” Jonah asked as he slowly sat up. “Just a minute, and I’m finished.” Robert said and stood up to get something from his coat but asked the other not to look and see what it was. 

Moments later after some last adjustments the architect offered his lover a hand mirror for him to see a fine and exactly braided French ponytail along the back of his head, tied together with a silver silk ribbon that was not one of Jonah’s. “It is beautiful. Thank you, the silk ribbon is exquisite. I hope this isn’t a replacement for your stay overnight.” The architect shook his head with a smile. “Don’t worry, I will stay but enjoy your braid while you can before I have to ruin it again with my hand in your hair and your body on mine.”    
Jonah couldn’t help but grin. For maybe this day the Eye wasn’t his top priority, that could be over seen; _or could it not?_


	6. broken trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ff is not beta-ed and English is not my native language.  
> It would be nice to keep spelling and grammar errors to yourself, Thank you ;)
> 
> Updates come weekly (hopefully always on Sundays) until finshed (6 chapters + epilogue)
> 
> Next week I'll post the last chapter.

Jonah Magnus had this feeling lately. This feeling of a thrall that pulled him somewhere that he didn’t know. It was a good feeling even though it cost him a lot of his concentration and attention he worked hard on now showing anyone that something changed. Anyone also included Robert  Smirke . They had grown so close and trusted each other deeply but this feeling was something Jonah couldn’t even describe it really so he kept it to himself. 

But he didn’t consider that the other would actually notice the slight changes in his behaviour. It was because he could feel it too. He had his theory where it came from but was not ready to confront his lover with such serious issues now that they were at such an important point of their research. The described rituals of Dread Powers, which they had found and partially reconstructed were of a larger interest among their fellow members of the group and Jonah had told him and some were already preparing for the rituals of their chosen patrons. This put an immense pressure on the architect who was working on a plan to use the Fears without their rituals and instead using architecture to balance their powers. To assist, Jonah had helped with some of the plans and constructions but to Robert some of the ideas didn’t make sense in the aspect of balance rather than going into a specific direction of one of the fears. 

Robert had seen how the others of their group had fallen for the powers and promises of their Fears and now, worry crept in his gaze when he watched Jonah going through books and manuscripts at an impressive speed and sometimes worried how Jonah suddenly was so fluent in German or Ancient Greek. Every subtle approach to this had been turned down in such a charming way with Jonah honestly smiling, reassuring him that everything is completely fine and every start of what could turn into a discussion or an argument was silenced by a kiss. 

Doing research of the Beholding on his only increased Robert’s worry that not both of them could withstand the Eye’s calling and he readied himself before asking for Jonah to meet him for personal reasons only this time. He wouldn’t let the other stop him from voicing his concerns this time. 

They met at Jonah’s place one night and the owner of the flat was in good spirits but showed deep bags under his eyes. The one thing he couldn’t hide from Robert was his lack of sleep. 

“My love, what is that you want to talk about that isn’t your current obsession of  _ Balance _ ?” The  ravent’s voice didn’t show much of a change but the edge on the last word was something that was hard to hide. Robert answered calmly: “I am worried for you Jonah. I feel that something is drawing your attention to it and I feel its call too but we cannot give in like the others did and fall for what these Dreads promise us.” The architect wasn’t hiding anything, no fact or emotion, because it mattered to him just as much as his research. Jonah listened silently not showing any reaction yet so the other continued: “I don’t want to lose you to a thing that I can’t fight. Please don’t go a place where I can’t follow. Or at least... don’t keep these things secret from me.” 

After a pause in which both men took a deep breath Jonah finally spoke: “Please don’t be worried, my dear. I have reasons for my doings and decisions. Firstly, yes, the calling of the Eye is a voice that I can’t get out of my head. I thought if I’d give in just a bit it would lessen but it didn’t at all. More the opposite. Secondly, I’m sure you also noticed that people are already attempting the rituals of their chosen entities and I fear that if they succeed, we are faced with the end of days sooner than the world is prepared for. I’m borrowing abilities of the Ceaseless Watcher to be able to  _ see  _ behind their plans and prevent the rituals. Lastly, I didn’t tell you because I feared that this conversation would come and that you would hate me for following the path of the Beholding but _ I promise you _ I won’t fall for its call.” 

The mask on Jonah’s face was broken and exhaustion was now clear as day on his features and he looked vulnerable in a way that Robert had never seen him before and it hurt in his heart to see his lover like that. When the architect finally approached the other and pulled him in an embrace, he could still feel a tension in Jonah’s body. Something still wasn’t right. “How about you tell me about your plans after a nap and I will incorporate them into mine as well.” Jonah nodded slightly. “Nap sounds good. Didn’t sleep much lately.”

The  ravent welcomed the sleep. It hadn’t been his plan that Robert found out about his closer connection to one of the Fears but he could still work on his plans to continue his plan and maybe now even with the other’s help. But the arms around him just felt too good and warm to not fall asleep as soon as he laid down. The brunet led him to the living room and put him down on one of the sofas before getting a light blanket. Jonah waited suddenly feeling the absence of warmth around him and pouted slightly until Robert returned and sat down beside him. “I’m already here,” he basically apologized, “Come, lie down. I know you want to use my lap as a pillow. I’m even wearing the soft wool trousers, that you like so much, today.” While talking he got rid of his jacket and waited for Jonah to take his offer which take not more than a few seconds. He placed the blanket over his lover’s form and did what he always did to help Jonah find his way into the land of slumber: Robert carefully untied the dark blue silk ribbon from the back waves and ran his fingers lightly through them. It worked like it always did. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night after they both rested and returned to Jonah’s study, which, looked more like the desk with all the papers on it exploded, they showed the other their projects. It was a bit different than their usual discussions of such things. They would normally energetically present their theories and ideas and discuss them constructively. But this time was in most ways closer. Jonah had decided that he would sit on Robert’s lap while they went through their papers that were placed on the same blanket that covered him on the sofa before and now warmed both of them on the large armchair in which Jonah usually sat for days researching. 

It was Robert who explained his plan first and even admitted that he was now also having nightmares regarding the Dreads but using them in another way that his lover to be inspired for his plan. In his dreams the Fears are represented by places and rooms and he wanted to channel them through his architecture. He showed Jonah the first few drafts of rooms and formations for the Dark and the Corruption. Later he voiced concerns with certain places which were harder to channel in closed rooms like the Vast or the Lonely, before asking for Jonah’s plan. 

After gathering some sketches and notes from the desk the ravenet snuggled closer before presenting his plans in detail. The first part was about preventing the rituals of the other entities. He had spent a lot of time finding out who worked for which family or group before analyzing at which point of the ritual they were and when the best time to intervene would be. Jonah had to travel around a lot for this and Robert seemed to understand why he had been doing this and why the Beholding’s powers were more than helpful for these kinds of things.    
The second part was a rough blueprint for what looked like a construction similar to a cirular tower with something in the middle surrounded by smaller units of rooms. “This is an advanced version of Jeremy Bentham’s Panopticon. I think your Greek should be good enough to understand its meaning: _all-seeing_. But! I know what you’re saying, that it sounds like something the Eye would want me to do. But it is not. It would be the perfect structure to keep all the fears in equilibrium. I am no architect of course but I wanted to be sure of its use and special properties before I wanted to show it to you. Because such a special building would need a very special architect.” It was a genuine smirk on Jonah’s lips when he almost whispered the last part of his plan into the man beneath him. 

Robert was still a bit sceptic and wouldn’t let himself be lured in by Jonah again but at the first glance the idea didn’t seem too bad but needed a lot of planning so that the  _ Balance  _ in the building would be perfect. But the round shape with a possible focus point inside the building looked promising, so he agreed to have a look into it. “But where should be build such a thing. And when?” 

“They are working on a plan to have building sites around Millbank or I heard of another one for a work house but I would have to look that one up again. You could present your blueprints for them. Which would help us a lot because no one would question the use of the building and with your reputation it shouldn’t be too hard to get one of those.” Jonah was feeling better after his nap and his plans now basically supported by the one person that mattered to him. The tension between them was gone and he still didn’t even have to lie to his lover to hide his own secret plan. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The time passed and Jonah was almost pleased on how things were developing. Robert had started to work on the design of a Panopticon for the Millbank prison, always considering Jonah’s notes and remarks on certain design choices and the architect seemed satisfied with his balanced concept. What really drained the ravent was, the fact that no matter how many times he prevented another ritual, the next one was already in preparation. It seemed hopeless.    
Robert supported him the best he could, which was mostly only emotionally due to his focus on the planning of what would later be the Millbank Prison. The architect was obsessed with connecting buildings that would be around the area so the powers would be “channelled in a more natural way”. Jonah didn’t get it but let him work on their plan. 

When he heard that the project of a Panopticon inspired prison for Millbank went not to Robert  Smirke but to that amateur Wiliam Williams and Thomas Hardwick, Jonah went on a rampage, spending the next years completely focused on preventing rituals and making the lives of those who were assigned to the Millbank Prison built a living nightmare. Which resulted in Wiliams and Hardwick leaving the project within the first year and a similar fate hit John Harvey who had been their successor before Jonah finally bribed enough people to get Robert in the position of the leading architect of the project. They celebrated that with a weekend in Jonah’s flat that had lots of alcohol and almost no piece of clothing on their bodies. 

Robert took the occasion to get his lover another gift. It was a fine ring made from white gold with a dark blue gem embedded into a frame of smaller white ones. In addition, he gave Jonah a brooch in form of a stylized owl. The other was over joyed at these things since they didn’t have much time for such gestures due to their busy schedules. The ring was the only article of attire that stayed on Jonah’s body these two days. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jonah was is a really good mood when he and Robert visited the building site near the  Thamse . Everything was according to  _ his  _ plans. Nobody, not even Robert had noticed the minor changes the  ravent hat made to the design to fit his purpose rather than the idea of  _ Balance  _ between the forces.

During the extended building phase of the prison, Jonah decided to found an organisation to assist in his purpose to take statements of basically anybody and used them for clues of activities of the Dread Powers. Of course, the statements that came in were more seldom than just ghost stories that were going around the county. The Magnus Institute was first stationed in Edinburgh due to complications of admission from English bureaucracy so the Scottish had to do for now.    
This put a hard strain on the relationship between Robert and Jonah, who had also convinced the Lukas family to become a sponsor of his Institution. 

With Jonah not being down in London during the final stages of the building process he didn’t immediately know that Robert noticed the changes in his design and felt more than betrayed. In a letter that sounded and looked like it had been written in immense anger, the architect demanded to see Jonah to talk about these things in person.    
Jonah would go and he didn’t have a good feeling about this but it should be worth all of it. The money, the lies, the love he would probably have to sacrifice for his immortality. In the back of his head the head of the Magnus institute wished that he could share this eternity with the architect but he knew that this wouldn’t happen. 

They meet at Robert’s place this time. His now  wife Laura was out the whole day and he was angry enough to not let Jonah have his way this time. The ravent arrived as asked and was led into the study without a single word said. The tension in the air was almost visible and it was Jonah who broke the silence while he took off his coat and frock. “You made it clear why you asked me to come down here. It seems like you noticed my changes.” When Jonah looked up to meet the green eyes of his, probably not for long anymore, friend, he could see a faint paint before it is replaced by anger again. 

Robert wanted to scream at Jonah, take him by the shoulders and shake sense into him again. Instead he looked up when the other spoke and a piercing pain appeared in his chest when their eyes met. The  ravenet’s eyes were so different from what they were only a year ago. Those once sharp steel blue eyes that were so full of life were now just cutting through everyone in their gaze, as if every light behind them had burned out. Now his anger was not only directed to the other man in the room but to that damned entity that caused all of this. “I did, but it was too late to change it. I want to know why? Why Jonah did you destroy the trust between us? For a damn ghost of a God, your vanity, or any other empty promise?” The pain was clearly audible in every word that Robert tried to speak instead of shout. 

The head of the Magnus Institute wasn’t unaffected by those words and more the feelings behind them but he had now the ability to hide it, even from Robert  Smirke , his oldest friend. 

“You know the answer already, don’t you? So why are you asking? Yes, I changed the plans for the Prison to match my purposes. I win again the fear that is haunting me. It does take sacrifices, I know that. Do you want the easy or the hard way on this? …. Oh, I see the easy way. I mean you are my friend you deserve the truth: I fear the last and greatest terror more than anything else. Or more _not knowing_ what will it be like is driving me out of my mind, Robert. I found a way to make it end. To cheat death once and for all. Nothing but the Beholding can save me from this, don’t you _see_? I said I will make it easy for you. And I will make it easy for you to hate me. I lied to you, a lot and for quite a while. I promised to tell you things, I promised to not take the path of the Eye. I am still not completely fallen to its call, so I can still keep that one, can’t I?” Jonah smiles almost painfully and with the lightest spark behind those mirrors of steel that were still looking right at Robert.    
“But now to something else. I have my Institute now, as you already know. Yes, it is a temple to the Beholding but a fair price to pay for me to still be me and not completely taken and for what I can become once the ritual will be completed. I love you Robert, you know that I hope but there were times when I had to be unfaithful to you to get what I wanted. Even for you. I made the lives of everyone at the Prison project a living hell, plus I bribed half of the city council with either money or, well … in kind of my own. Same goes for the sponsors of my Institute. Or did you believe Mordechai would get me a building in Edinburgh because he likes me so much? See, I betrayed you in more than just one way. That will hopefully make it easier to let go of me for you.” Jonah’s face was a mask, unreadable and at first it happened exactly how he expected. 

Robert’s breathing got heavier with every single confession that came over the other’s lips, until at the end of Jonah’s monologue he couldn’t keep it anymore. “HOW DARE YOU? You used me like a pawn in a game of chess, that you can’t win. I could have forgiven you so much but all of this is too much for a single soul of the Lord to bear. I don’t believe your love confessions anymore. And I begin to doubt that any of them were ever honest. I never want to see you again, but I know you will be around, _watching_ , no matter what I or anyone in this world wants.   
I still believe in a God but I don’t know if He would be able to save such a lost soul like yours. Why is the fear of death taking over your life? You’re no better than any of those from our group who fell for their entities. You can’t escape the nature of death, Jonah. Why won’t you understand?” The architect was breathless from shouting and close to tears. He felt as if all his work and life had been in vain, torn to pieces like a discarded draft of a drawing. 

Trying to catch his breath again he didn’t notice Jonah coming closer and standing right in front of him suddenly. The other spoke again but this time so soft that it almost didn’t sound like him, or him on the few moments of vulnerability. “I’m sorry, Robert. I truly am. I will never forget you.” And with these last words a pale  ungloved hand ran over the architect’s cheek, wiping away the tears that rolled down without him noticing. Robert wanted to curse Jonah but couldn’t voice another word when lips brush his for only a second but with such care and almost love that, even if he had been able to say something, every word would now have been stuck in his chest. 

Without another glance or word, Jonah Magnus got dressed in frock and coat again and left the room and then the house, leaving a broken architect behind. 


	7. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ff is not beta-ed and English is not my native language.  
> It would be nice to keep spelling and grammar errors to yourself, Thank you ;)
> 
> This is the last chapter.

_ sent but unanswered or even unread _

‘My Dear Jonah, 

I do know that the distance between us had grown further with time passing after the unfortunate conversation we had on the last occasion we met. I have not heard any news from you, which could mean there is nothing to report and everything should be fine on your side or something happened. Even though he had our differences I cannot help to worry about your well-being sometimes. 

News came to me of the successful research you are doing with the help of your Institute and, to my honest distrust, with the help of Mordechai Lukas. Congratulations on that. Be careful around him. But I know you will not listen to me anyway.    
The effects of patronage have ebbed away mostly in my case but in yours I can only imagine how further you took them. Have you fallen completely under the beholding yet? I dare to believe in your sanity and wisdom for you not to do so. I still believe in my researched and principles of _Balance_ between the Dread Powers and try to control them in my ways.    
Please don’t attempt any rituals on your own, you prevented and stopped many of them yourself to know how powerful and dangerous they are. I still dislike the thought of you as a friend but I still don’t want you to fall into a hellhole of one of the Entities. 

In this regard, I hope you are not falling for the Forsaken under Lukas’ influences. But I assume that you still cherish attention enough to not want to be alone, like you always did, or at least as long as I have known you. 

I myself are working hard to keep the Fears in balance with the work I can do in London, I won’t be lonely thanks to my family and I wish you nothing bad, Jonah. 

Yours in trust,

Robert.’

~~~~~~~~~~~

‘My dear Robert,

I am writing you these words to congratulate you on the achievement of the knighthood of her majesty. So, here are my best wishes to your hard work. 

Your potential always radiated from you, a reason why I chose you for the plans I had in mind. But please be assured that what he had between us was not entirely of professional interest from my side. I did not lie to you about this. 

Enough about the past and more about what is currently happening: I would have come to congratulate you on your title personally but I am almost drowning in work up here in Edinburgh and Lukas is of no help either. Even though our last goodbye was of a painful nature, it is my manners that forbid me to ignore your success. 

Please forgive me to not ask about your family, it is of none of my interest to know about them, which ensures their safety as you will surely understand. I ask you to not see this as a thread but more of an informative statement that I don’t  _ want  _ to know about them and also doing you a last favour. Appreciate it or not, that is  completely up to you. 

Other than of your title, any other new regarding your person barely reach me up here in Scotland so please forgive me for not knowing more current topics that you are into and for keeping this letter short. Work already calls me again so I have to pull my thoughts from your person to continue.

Your ‘faithful’  acquaintance

Jonah Magnus

  
Head of the Magnus Institute,   
Edinburgh, Scotland

__________________

_ Unsent and destroyed _

“My dear Jonah, 

I have not received an answer to the letter that I sent last and don’t know if it is because of spite or work, that you are not feeling like owing me an answer. I am not having hard feelings towards you for it, no matter of your motivation but it keeps me worried. 

I met acquaintance of yours at an event lately, it was Sampson Kempthorne. We had a little chat and he mentioned his concerns for you to me. I don’t think he knows that we know each other and even called the other friend at some point. He talked fondly of you, which, I have to admit, upset me slightly. I didn’t show any sign of it of course. But his worries regarded your health. Are you overworking yourself again? You always had that habit and I hoped it would get better now that you have a whole institute to assist you, but I see that my wishes were in vain. 

Worry is keeping my eyes open at night. For you and for the world. I tried to know more about your institute from here; sadly, due to work I can’t travel to see it myself. And you might not even want me at your institution or anywhere near me after what happened between us. That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to travel the long way to Edinburgh. I hope you can forgive me for that. 

I happened to find the feeling of being watched again. Is this your doing or does the Beholding start its haunting of m person again? I will try to find ways to reduce these influences on me. Are you doing this to me out of spite? What have I done to deserve this?

Never before did I tell you this but at some point, I feel like I owe it to you. At our last meeting I noticed a change in your eyes. They were sharp as if you could cut one with only glance and so cold. I feel like I failed and lost the fight in this moment. But I still believe in the light behind your eyes. Don’t let anyone or anything take that away from you.

I  do not wish for much, Jonah, just answers.

Your worried friend,

Robert.’

The letter was left in a sealed envelope never sent, never opened again and was thrown away after the death of the author.

~~~~~~~~~~

‘ ** M ** y dearest Robert,

** I ** am feeling remorseful for the things I wrote in my last letter. My mind has been in a bad and chaotic to the point on which I may have written things that were not … appropriate. 

** S ** o far, work is going well, the institute is growing and the information is flowing, but I’m on my own. Lukas is just as present as he was at our past meetings, on which you were also present, in contrast to him. It is weird that I am still not used to work alone after years of exchange that I had with you. 

** S ** till, I think I have to apologize for one or the other  _ look  _ that I had at you from here so please don’t be alarmed by that familiar feeling. It was really just me. But I promise it was just a glance or two at you, and only you. I don’t want to see your happy little family, only you. 

** I ** want to tell you though why I’m writing you. I can feel the ravages of time on my body and my fear is growing and growing, keeping me from any rest and haunting me with nightmares. I’m afraid, my dear friend. This must sound to you like either nothing new and you are unimpressed, or like something you already worried about. I fear you were right. 

** N ** o nightmare goes by without longing for the old times where I would not be alone and could maybe get a good night’s rest occasionally. But I know my goal and all of it will be worth each and every hour of torture that I put my body through. I know you will decline like you always did but it would have been the best thing in this and other worlds if you would have joined me in this. It is not too late. 

** G ** ood things will be coming soon, I can feel it and I wish you would be with me so I could share them just as I would share the bottle of wine that I am emptying on my own right now. 

** You  ** know I think this letter is a bad idea. Why am I telling you all these things, that you do not want to here anyway because you are happy now. With you wife and daughter. Not with me.

** Dearly ** , your past love,

Jonah Magnus’

The letter was never even put into an envelope and instead thrown into the flames of a fire place the next day by a sober head of the Magnus Institute.

________________________

The last of Robert  Smike’s letters arrived at the Magnus Institute on the desk of its’s founder. It lay there for days before being opened, its addressee already knowing what its content is. If there was a tear stain on the end of the pages only knows the reader himself before taking out pen and paper to finally write an answer, even though he knows that it will never be read again. It was Jonah’s  way of coping with things. 

‘My dearest love,

I want first of all tell you, that none of this is my doing. I would have never dared to harm you like this or send you to the realm of my greatest enemy and dread. It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces. To put into words what I feel is impossible. 

It took me a moment to continue writing again. You said you still believed in me, please know that I also thought the same of you. Or at least I still wished so. 

Finally losing you to the End feels like a failure to me. I could have been able to stop this. So, I’m sorry to say that I simply cannot give up that plan of mine not after losing you.    
You were the one thing that kept me from completely falling for the Beholding, even after all the silence and absence in my life I could not betray you in this point. After all the horrors that I collected and experienced, this tears down my world. 

I’m sorry, my friend I cannot grant you your last wish. But I will do it for us and what we stood for.

Please forgive me. 

Your dear and love,

Jonah.’

The letter was written on the finest of papers Jonah Magnus could find. Enveloping the paper is a deep blue pouch sealed with the owl emblem of the Magnus Institute that resembles the brooch that rests on the lapel on Jonah’s frock every day, right above his heart. 

As fast as he can the head of the Magnus Institute travels down to Cheltenham, Gloucestershire where the funeral would be held. He was not invited but he did not care for social norms at this point of his grief he had a delivery to make and this was something much more important than any society.   
The trip was long and cumbersome but grief pushed the ravent further and further, not even thinking about sleep. 

When he finally arrived in the small town Jonah go the best room for the night available before straightening his completely black cloths and made his way to the Smirke house hold.    
He would watch people come and go and wait for the most unseen moment, so untypical for him, before entering. Jonah didn’t look around every family photo on the wall felt like a knife in his chest. The coffin was open and Jonah was alone with the body of his friend. It felt unreal to him and he was afraid, so deeply afraid.    
Before he leaned down, Jonah took off his leather gloves. He let the tips of his fingers run lightly over the lines of Robert’s aged face, barely touching ice-like skin. Jonah _knew_ that nobody was watching so he took a lock of silver hair. Robert had a wife and family but this didn’t mean that Jonah wouldn’t be allowed to mourn too.    
Before he left, he tucked the deep blue envelope into the inside of the architect’s jacket.    
“One last letter.”

The funeral was opulent as expected but Jonah stayed in the background. Nobody should know he was here. Not this time.    
He followed the procession to church and graveyard where the now closed coffin was lowered into the earth painfully slow. People cried but Jonah didn’t care who they were the only one he cared about was now six feet underground. The guests left all in the end and the only one left on the graveyard around the church was the head of the Magnus Institute.    
He finally approached the grave with the freshly put up and simple headstone and just stared at the fresh earth. “I am sorry, my dearest.” And with a mask made of marble he turned on his heel immediately returning to Edinburgh. 

__________________

When Jonah finally sat in the watch tower ready for the ritual of the Watcher’s Crown. The last thing his still human eyes saw was a locket which contained a strand of silver hair. 

“For me, for us.”

And the Eye opened. And all lights in Jonah’s eyes burned out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading until the end of my little drama. I'm still sailing this rare pair ship but this won't be my last contribution. The next one is already in progress.


End file.
